Another shot at JOY!

Things have been very busy around here.  This is the time of year were school comes to an end, final exams, lots of plays and concerts, and all the end of school year activities.  If you have school children, I'm sure your month sounds a lot like ours does.  My calendar is completely filled.  We are pretty good about not over committing our kids...one activity each!  However, May seems to bombard us every year with an over load.  I'm not sure who is more ready for summer break after this month?

However, this is also one of my toughest mental times of the year besides Christmas time, of course!  It's always a constant reminder of all I cannot do, all I cannot participate in, all I cannot help with, and all my many limitations.  When the children need me, I can only help from my sofa or bed.  The gorgeous spring air and smells and sights just make me long to be outside in the middle of it all.  Leaving my house is literally like putting on a mini-parade!  Because I require a special chair for my legs, getting out is such an ordeal.  I get very, very frustrated trying to attend any event for the children.  Not only do I feel immense pressure to show up when I may be feeling ill, but almost every place we've attended, we find it's not wheel chair friendly (and even more so with my monstrosity of a wheel chair).  I long to drive, to be independent, and to give my children the rides they need.  I sat on the floor this week to work on something...in 2 minutes flat I was so sick, I had to be helped to my bed to recuperate for a good hour or 2.  I just wanted to HELP!  Yes, spring time is a difficult mental time for me!

Being anxious or frustrated isn't going to change my circumstances.  I cannot spend precious hours pouting over my limitations.  The thoughts do try to creep in....especially when I see the stress on the family or my precious husband who bears the brunt of it all.  Here comes in that daily renewing of my mind routine, again! I'm surrounded this month by all the 'cant's.  Throwing something across the room helped my immediate anger, but didn't solve my internal turmoil.  I'm pretty sure throwing something, pouting, worrying, or being anxious never solved anyone's problems........  I wish I could say I had some profound revelation to put my mind at ease, but that didn't happen.  What I did CHOOSE to do...ok, what I am CHOOSING to do today is not let this consume my thought life!  I will not pout about it, spend time getting angrier, or even play the ever infamous 'what if' game!  I'm going to remind myself and my family that these are our cards we are dealt with.....we can make the best of it....or we can fold!  But, no one is folding today.  Life isn't fair!  I have to remind my children that all the time.  Mom can't do XYZ.....you have to put in more effort in area XYZ....we have to pull together and work with what we have.  Life is not fair....but come one, we were never promised fair, anyway!

So, for spring, I've had my mini pity party!  But I didn't change one single thing...except maybe my attitude.  I've decided AGAIN that I'm choosing to work with what I have; I'm choosing mental health; and I'm choosing JOY!