HAPPY NEW YEAR! or is it?

For me, the new year often brought feelings of anticipation of what the year may bring or have in store.  In the last 3 years, I remember saying: "good riddance" to the past year......and something along the lines of "it cannot possibly get any worse".  However, it always has gotten much, much worse!  As I said goodbye to 2012 (after almost losing my life in Nov. 2012), I knew deep inside of me that 2013 would be a much better year.  However, just 2-3 short weeks into 2013, I ended up getting a pacemaker to keep me 'ticking'.  Well, that didn't go as planned!
This year, as I said goodbye to 2013,  (a year that was riddled with disappointment, sickness beyond my wildest dreams, and more limitations with each passing week) I held my tongue.  I've learned:  it can ALWAYS get worse, we have no idea what our future holds for us when it's beyond our control, and it really only boils down to how we choose to handle what life throws our way.  I never know when it will be 'my time'.  I pray it's not in 2014.....as of today, I've been feeling better in the last 2 months than I do the majority of 2013.  With a degenerative disease, it has been a sobering realization that my year will probably NOT get better than last year, but I still can make a lot of choices, changes, and hope to make a difference somewhere.
So, for 2014 it may not be my 'happy new year', but I am choosing to approach this year with my hands held upward in surrender.  I don't get to make my own choices in most cases in my life like most of you.  My outcome is not a result of MY actions, I don't get to make or break my future or change my path.  I do, however, get to decide how I will handle it, how I will allow it to change me, and if it will break my spirit or not.   This new year,  I am surrendering my past expectations and am choosing to say:  'What ever comes my way in 2014, I'm still going to choose JOY'.  I just wonder if the disappointment will be a lot easier to digest.  We shall see!

Happy New Year!