March 2011 was a month I will never forget for the rest of my life. A seemingly normal young mother of 3, ventured south on a vacation just as she always had each spring break. Melanie played tennis several times a week, exercised 6-7 days every week, and enjoyed being active. She sewed and designed many of her daughter's outfits. Cooking was one of her favorite hobbies. She still had a toddler at home, but the two older boys were now in school after being homeschooled, and she was awaiting kindergarten with gleeful anticipation for her first year alone since her son's birth in 1999. She was active in her church, friendships, and with her family. Her husband and herself were inseparable and were loving each other and life truly to the fullest. It was going to be a year to remember!
THEN....................................................................
If you have read my blog at all, you know the 'year to remember' ended up being a year from hell....that would be followed by 3 more years even more intense, more sinister, and more devastating. Over 2.5 years bedridden, in a wheelchair, and unable to even stand for more than 90 seconds at one time....I'm looking back at my 4 year 'sick' anniversary. I could have never imagined that this scenario would become my life. I've come close to the grave more than once, gotten a pacemaker in my 30's, been to many hospitals all over the country, been sick every day non-stop for years, knocked out teeth, passed out more times than I could even count, received revolutionary medical treatments, told to get my affairs in order, baffled doctors even at the Mayo Clinic, been so sick for months I could barely lift my head off the bed, received in-home IV infusions, been too sick to even walk myself to the bathroom or brush my own teeth, unable to leave the house for 6 or more months at a time, missed years of my children's lives, cried for days in unrelenting pain, and so many, many more! (and that's just the physical anguish)
BUT............................................................................
All of that is what I've had to endure and MADE IT THROUGH! I love that saying that I see from time to time: "My track record of getting through bad days is still 100%". However, this anniversary is going to be much more bitter-sweet. You see, I'm also having a NEW anniversary this year. While this week marks the 4 year point of this painful journey, it also marks the ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY OF NOT HAVING PASSED OUT!!!!!!!!! (For those of you who have not followed my blog, I could only stand for 90 seconds to maybe 3-5 minutes before I would lose consciousness EVERY TIME! Because my autonomic nervous system has failed, it cannot keep the blood to my heart and brain long enough for me to remain postural) Without a rhyme or reason, the last month of March was the VERY last time I lost consciousness..........(excuse me while I do a little dance at this point). Of course, I do not stand in one place very long, don't keep my legs down much, or try to run around. I'm sure I could trigger the response, but I'm able to LIVE within these parameters much more easily.
I can cook, walk, drive a little, exercise more, take care of myself, FINALLY care for my family, do some shopping, take myself some places, and so much more. Yes, I have crazy limitations that would devastate most people, but they are nothing compared to the life I lived just 6 months ago. I still have immense discomfort, pain, gastroparesis, many dizzy days, severe hypoperfusion, cardiac conditions, and the list goes on! But I am WALKING....I am celebrating....I am living!!!! Gosh, I'm so blessed!
SO....................................................................................
While I did pause for a moment to look back at the 'sorrow' of my 4 year anniversary, I can't help but to 'dance' with my new 1 year anniversary. Much has been lost, but also much has been given. I'm not the same person from 4 years ago, but I am blessed, thankful, grateful, and joyful. I'm in complete awe of where this journey has taken me, and that I continue to get back up each and every time (not of my own strength).
I wish that you might also find a way to turn your sorrow into dancing today! We all have different life experiences that were meant to break us......but in turn, made us stronger! Let's all DANCE it out, today!
Rock On!!
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