Making a List........and Checking it Twice!
This post is probably just as much for myself, as it is for anyone else. I've mentioned before how difficult spring and Christmas can be for me, personally. It's often a reminder of all the many, many limitations that surround me. Just as I was telling someone about how difficult these last few weeks have been (emotionally), I remembered....I don't have to go down this road! I can CHOOSE a new path. So, I'm going to share my new path choice with you today. Your list will probably look very different from mine, but I encourage you to make one yourself. When your list is done, I hope you find it difficult to focus on the negative!
SEARCHING EVER SO HARD FOR MY SILVER LININGS THIS WEEK!
-But I can sit in my bed with the window wide open and watch the beauty of the full bloom trees and listen to the chirping of the birds. I can take a dip in the pool on cooler days. I'm not sure I realized just how gorgeous this view was 3 years ago. The beauty of things around me is as though I've had blinders on for my entire life. It is amazing how I'm surrounded by so many things I had taken for granted.
2) I cannot get in the pool during the day with the kids like I used to do, plan summer activities, take my kids on fun summer outings.
-I am cherishing the moments I get to spend with the family more with each small activity. They are all far more precious when you know they are limited and few and far between. The pool with the whole family is far more wonderful all together.
3) I am dying to eat out at a normal restaurant with my 'freakin' legs down!
-Ok, so I cannot come up with a happy silver lining on this one. Frustration is putting it mildly. Cold take out and fast food isn't cutting it all the time. Oh, to have some flamin' hot Mi Pueblo white cheese, chicken nachos! Well, they will be gross and mushy by the time David picks them up. Ok, am I complaining now? I'm gonna pick....less calories consumed? Ok, that's a stretch! I'm trying!
4) I cannot help anyone clean, pick-up, look for things, organize, or do spring cleaning.
-Silver lining here might appear to be easy, but if you have to watch those you love overworked, you would be dying to jump in and help. However, I have learned that 'perfection' isn't always perfection. Getting to help train and teach is a gift. Letting go of some control was something only a lightening bolt could have accomplished. It is one of my silver linings!
5) I miss our amazing family vacations.
-Next week, the 5 of us are leaving for a medical trip to Mayo Clinic in Rochester, MN. While it's going to be a rough, difficult week for my oldest son and myself, we will have every evening together as a family. I'm actually looking forward to reconnecting with everyone after a busy spring. My precious husband won't have any evening responsibilities. I'm excited to have them all together every night (even if we are all in one hotel room)--Yikes!
6) I have to ride with my legs on the dash to go in the car, have my wheelchair assembled, and be pushed around by someone else.
-This one gets me a lot. There is a 'blog post' all about this whole loss of independence thing coming in the future! I won't say there is a good angle to this one, but I have come to grips with some of it. It is, what it is. However, when I do make the effort to go out, but children are elated. They all scramble to come along, be apart, and wrestle over who gets to push 'mom'. Can't you see how that can be a silver lining? My teenagers scramble to come to Target with their mom? My heart is blessed in these moments.
7) I'm homebound almost 24-7......
-After a few weeks, that got old real fast! I long and miss the shopping, the movies, restaurants, the friends, the errands, the concerts, church, kids' events, date night, and more shopping! All of those things are missed greatly on a daily basis, no denying that! I will always be saddened that I cannot participate in normal, human activities. I'd be lying if I said otherwise. But can you imagine a life where none of those things existed? What more could you accomplish, be, become, and realize? I've been forced to stop! And I chose to stop and smell the roses! I can see what matters and what doesn't. I've been given a gift, one that very few will ever be given in their lives. I get the chance to see more clearly without life's overwhelming distractions. It's a pretty good silver lining!
8) I can longer cook
-This one 'eats' at me all the time...pun intended. I was a great cook, if I do say so myself. We have some scary family pictures to prove it. :) I miss this part of my life. I miss the role I played in our family. But I didn't quite realize just how much I was appreciated in this area, until it was gone. My boys, especially, have lifted me up in a way they may not have if my ability to cook had never been taken away. They know what they have lost, too, and they have shared it with me.
9) I'm bored out of my mind!
-Imagine having to keep your legs elevated and your heart at knee level all day-every day! Now, imagine how many activities you can achieve in that position. Go! Yeah, not many! I've learned you cannot fold laundry, wrap a present, or do any exercise. I'm very limited in what I can do from this angle. It gets very boring! So, what did I do? I decided to homeschool my youngest daughter. Turns out, you can do that from a reclining position, and do it well. No, we don't have any cool field trips and arts and crafts are quite hilarious, but I can pour so much into her little life. This has been rewarding for us both in ways that I cannot describe. Now, to come up with something for my difficult, sickly afternoons? Hmmmmmmm
***10) I feel sick, pain, or dizzy every single day of my life with no break.
-Bet you think I can not think of a silver lining for this one? You're right, it's tough to do. But after 3 years of being sick, don't you think I would have lost my mind by this point if I had not? There is never anything good about sickness and pain. I have an usual type of illness, where I feel physically ill every single day without fail. What about the 'good' moments? I am always very excited when there is a break in pain or discomfort of any kind. But it's much more than that. It's almost like a chance to be the very best Melanie I can be in the face of constant, unrelenting trials. Does this sound like a fake cliche? What choice do I have? I could say this is too much for any one person to bare, curse God, and roll over and die. Or, I can pull myself up from the ground, put on my big-girl pants, and try with every fibre of my being to be the best sick girl that ever walked this earth. I fail...yes, at times.....but failure isn't a long term option or goal. I will get through the moments of pain and take full advantage of the wonderful moments. I will live each moment as if it were my last. And that my friends, has brought me JOY in a life filled with pain.
So, how is your list coming? Is there a silver lining waiting in the lurks of your current trial?
**WANT TO READ MORE? JUST CLICK ON THE LEFT SIDE UNDER 'ARCHIVE' TO SEE PAST POSTS AND UPDATES.
-CAREGIVERS
-UPDATES ON MY SON
-CHOOSING JOY and more*******
No comments:
Post a Comment
Leave your comments here!